A note to no-one in particular

Do all women have complicated emotions? I sure hope so. Somehow I can never settle for simple plain emotions. I have just spent a day feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. And I don't even know if that is normal. But for now all that is being pushed into archives of the mind. In a few hours I fly to sunny Singapore. After cold cold Washington, I'm definitely looking forward to that.

Notes from Charles De Gaulle

The good thing about being on a really long flight on your birthday is you get to miss calls. Calls from peopel who think your a disgrace coz your 27 and single. Yeah!

P.S : Paris has to be the worst airport ever to transit.

Mumbai November 26, 2008

Talking to a friend who happened to be stuck in Mumbai during the terror attack. And he tells me "It happened in Coimbatore - you were in Chennai.....it happened in Colaba...you were in Dadar....pretty soon, the probability will kick in right?". Suddenly the Bosnias and Balis dont feel like the other end of the world.

The movie week

For a person who watches a couple of movies a month in theaters, I created a new record. Five movies in one week. Phew.

White

A Polish movie screened at alliance francais. Though I missed the first twenty minutes of the movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was one of those movies that you know you liked, but it is difficult to say why you liked. Unfortunately I missed the other two in the trilogy. Someday when I run a company, I will ensure my employees can go for as many movie screenings they want to.

Golmaal 2

Big mistake. The only reason I went for the movie was we were playing a prank on a friend. We managed to convince her we had tickets for the premier of Dostana and John Abraham was coming. Two little magic words and we had a bakra. The room mate however enjoyed the mindless slapstick comedy, which was far more entertaining than the movie.


Vaaranam Ayiram

Thanks to a friend, I managed a first day second show after ages. Surya was incredible. Though a good 30 minutes of the movie could have been chopped with no impact on the story line, I quite liked it. Simran was a surprise package. Apart from a bit of over the top sappiness and some very non tamil movie moments, there was something fresh and feel good about the movie. Oh did I mention surya “six pack” sivakumar was awesome?


Fashion

I went expecting a morbidly depressing movie but I was in for a surprise. Though the movie was not really a happily ever after fairy tale, it didn’t leave you depressed like Bhandakar’s previous flick. Priyanka Chopra who I never really liked did quite a good job. And I was surprised to see Chitrashi Rawat of Chak de do a cameo. It was an all girls outing and the movie had its far share of super sexy shoes to drool over. Perfect Sunday afternoon.

Quantum of Solace

I have inherited the Bond mania from my dad and was looking forward to the release of QOS. It took me a good three weeks of trying for tickets before I finally managed to watch it. I am still wondering why it got such bad reviews. Personally I felt the morbid deaths apart- the fight sequence on the ropes and the Tosca scenes were beautifully shot.

At the end of it...caramel popcorn at Sathyam rocks!

Autumn in New York

When I was ten i created this list of top ten places that I had to visit. The US never figured in it. But as luck has it, it will probably be my most visited country. My last trip to the country was a whirlwind tour of cities. Vegas and LA dazzled me, but the feeling didn't linger. So when I decided to extend a business trip and visit a friend in NYC, I went with no exceptions. They say you have the best experiences when you have the least expectations. So true. Five days in NY and I wonder why I never put that on my list.

Wandering around a city on your own is the best way to experience it. The museums, quaint coffee shops serving the best cheesecake and the sunny parks made me fall in love with the city. I spent the days walking around the city and the evenings with my friend. Having lived in NY for years, she knew of beautiful scenic spots and fantastic food joints that didn't figure on touristy books. Thanks to her I experienced Greek and Ethiopian food.

I had to do the usual tourist stuff - Empire state building, statue of liberty etc. The empire state building was bit of a disappointment.Surprisingly I loved the statue of liberty. I had no clue about the depth of history connected to it. Of all the statues in NYC, the one of the immigrants at Ferris Island was my favorite. There was something haunting and touching about the statue of immigrants looking into the future. The visit to the statue of liberty was also special as I met my best friend after ages there.

The icing on the cake of course was Broadway. Since it was the weekend, I could not get tickets for any of the new shows. So Mary Poppins it was. I was totally blown away with theater experience. When Mary Poppins swoops into the audience in the final act, I nearly jumped out of my seat in awe.

At the end of five days, I had bid adieu to the macadamia nut cheesecakes and Jamaican street vendors. I was sad but looking forward to filter coffee back home. Its definitely one of the cities I want to go back and visit. I love New York!

Weekend Notes

I was never one for traditions when I lived at home. But living on my own changed that.

My mom has traditions and superstitions for every occasion. From eating sugar first thing on your birthday to always ensuring daughters ate the wings of a chicken- she truly has a "must do" for every occasion. The second of November marks all souls day. As tradition my family visits the cemetery and place flowers and incense sticks at the graves of our ancestors. Since my parents always chose the unglamorous mid afternoon to visit, my sister and me tried our best to wiggle out of it. Always resulting in little success.

This year, I went along quite willing much to my mother's surprise. Despite the heat and the fact we have to visit a trillion graves I was quite moved by the visit. Moved might be the wrong word.But some emotions cant be put into words. Reading tombstones was like getting a tiny peek into the past. My mom of course had a story after every tomb we visited. "That was Aunt Rose's tomb. She designed her own tomb stone. It was the in thing to do those days." She mentioned matter of factly. I am not too sure of how many of these stories were my mom's imagination. But going back home I thought it was nice we still had such traditions. In this day and age when not many can remember who won the last Nobel, it felt good to remember our roots. It is quite scary that Im starting to see sense in my moms little traditions. I am not sure if I am growing up or growing old

Travails of a tired traveller

Travel agent books tickets for wrong date. Check
You realize it AFTER the flight has taken off. Check
Manage to board the next flight out. Check
Have the worst flight ever thanks to screeching co passengers. Check
Make a client presentation after going without sleep for three days. Check
Have a super fantastic time in New York that makes up for the horrible week. Double check!

Illusion is good place to live

*Click* *Click* *Click*
Three years go into the recycle bin.
If only it was that simple.

Phooonk

My hard disk crashed and I just lost two and half years worth of work, music, photos and other stuff. I feel like I lost a part of my life. Is that normal?

Lessons Learned

The fruit vendor beckons me with a ripe plum in her hands. "Taste one " she says. Temptation gets the better of me and I accept her offer. I bite into the wine colored fruit and my expectations come to rude halt. Instead of the sweet citrus taste I was expecting, all I got was a bitter acidic assault on my tongue. I move on without a second glance.

Life is an awful lot like grocery shopping. Sometimes all it takes is one person to lose your faith in people.

Karen and me

As I sit on the bench waiting for my train, a little girl plonks herself next to me. She starts fiddling around with her little bag. Its a pink shiny purse with a Winnie the Pooh on it. And then I remembered her.



When I was eight my father's friend and family came to visit us from London. Karen was the same age as me. But to me my eight year old eyes she was this sophisticated big city girl. As her official guide around my farm, her every move fascinated me. Her shiny pink purse, the way she shook her satin ribboned plaits in disgust, her look of horror when she realized my farm did not have blackberries and more - kept me glued to her side. She was a far cry from the giggly girls and hooligan boys in my class.

At the end of the week Karen and her parents left. On the drive back from the railway station I experienced a new emotion - the feeling of missing someone.However like all children I soon forgot all about her and got busy with school. Sitting on the bench that day was the first time in years I remembered her. At that moment I also realized that it had been quite some time since I experienced missing someone. Living on my own in more ways than one I have gotten used to farewells that are are most often sudden. As my train arrives screeching to a halt, it hits me that I am far less emotionally sensitive than I was. As I board my train I am still wondering if that is a good thing or bad.

The Dark Knight

WOW.
Over and out.

A stack of jars

In my mind's eye my world is a stack of labeled jars. The labels are many and
varied -childhood friends, classmates from undergrad , vague people from office and so on. Some jars have been pushed to the back. Not deliberately though. Meeting people after ages at a wedding recently opened up a lot of memories. It was like finding that jar of elusive mango pickle at the back of fridge after ages. You open the lid and take a whiff. It smells different but still smells good. Meeting
childhood friends is pretty much the same.

As the evening wears on I realize I miss those simpler days and I know
those times are out of reach now. I can only look back as a mute
spectator but never be part of it again. But the thought that the good
memories are mine forever makes me smile.

Lost and never found

These battle scars are here to stay
No sunshine after the rain
No happiness after the pain
I have lost the war and the battle in a day

I see your face

I see your face before me
Crowding my every dream
There is your face before me
You are my only theme

June Tales

Two of my projects are pending approval from the top management and they are due to go out tomorrow.
My new laptop is stuck in the middle of nowhere and god knows when I can get it.
Alot people around me seem to be getting very moody these days.

But the summer is ending and the rains are here, nothing is going to keep my spirits down now! :)

Random Thoughts

The city looks so much better without those hideous hoardings. Whoever thought Chennai had so many trees!
Why do I get emails on enlargement of body parts I do not have?
Despite the flat tyres, swindling cab drivers and non existent para saling- the Pondicherry trip was good. I should blog about it.
I must learn to handle disappointment better
I must learn to handle people better.

My place

Have you every associated a place with a feeling? The coffee shop around the corner always makes me yearn for brownies and the beach makes me nostalgic. But if there would be one place that tops my list it would be "my place". Archiving my old photographs I found these pictures - Views of the sea from my favorite spot. As far I can remember whenever I was angry sad or just plain bored I sought solace in this little spot atop the water tank of my house. I have spent lazy afternoons just sitting there and staring at the endless expanse of the blue ocean and the abandoned light house. Nobody else came there and I could be assured of uninterrupted me time. Sometimes when I am battling office politics and stuck in a apartment with too many flat-mates I wish I had my place even here. Till I find one I shall settle for putting this picture on my soft-board.

Well..

I realized alot of my posts were sad or angry and hence made up my mind to write a happy and cheery one. Till my gmail and all related accounts got hacked. And then I discovered the hacker was someone very close to me. So much for my happy post :(

I like :)

It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.-James Thurber, writer and cartoonist (1894-1961)

Mums the word

My mom and me have never seen eye on eye on several issues well most issues. She hates it when I experiment with my hair. She was totaly against me going to the united states. She was against me under going the surgery. But over the years I have realized that she tends to look at the big picture and can make sense at times. She has undying optimism. Though its a bit extreme at times ( she belives each one of those. You are the lucky winner of a million dollars e-mails). She belived in my sister and me even when it mattered. She can magically remove gravy stains from white shirts and makes the most amazing chocolate cake.
Cheers to moms :)

Running through my mind

I have spent the last few days waiting for a call that never came. and probably never will. Have checked and rechecked my e-mail for an email for a mail that never came and probably never will. How do I explain to one that people change in the blink of an eye, in the fifteen minutes of a phone conversation. That people change and promises, trust and sacirfices are good as gone. Why do the head and heart have to be two different things?

Two posts in a day. I think I've out done myself.

Broken Dreams

Republished from my old blog due in a bout of homesickness :(

Summer vacations in my grandparents house in Sri Lanka were always fun. I remember being excited all through the road trip from my hometown to Trivandrum, where we would catch the flight to Colombo. The two months were action packed for my sister and me. Pampered by grandparents with trips to tea estates in hill country and picnics in fishing villages in the south. We were always close to tears when we had to fly back.
Growing up in a small town in Tamil Nadu, Colombo was the big city of wonders for me. I remember going back and proudly telling my second grade classmates that I rode an escalator. I out grew my fascination for the escalator but my fascination for Sri Lanka remains intact.
One thing I always noticed during my trips was the spirit of the people. For a country ridden with internal strife, they were a cheerful lot. Sometimes too cheerful, probably a cover for uncertainty and fear.
Two years back when I graduated, I flew over to see my grandmother. College was over, I was yet to join work. In short life was one big holiday. I spent a glorious two months there gallivanting around Sri Lanka with my gang of friends. The mood was also upbeat in the country. There was talk that the war would end soon. Immigrants and refugees were slowly coming back. There was subtle joy in the air where ever one went.
Last month, my grandmother passed away and I had to go to Colombo for her last rites. I reached the city close to midnight and even at that hour I noticed the stark differences in the city from my last trip. As a result of recent problems, security was beefed up. As my car snaked its way through the familiar tree lined avenues with Buddhist shrines, I noticed checkpoints at every corner. Over the course of the week, where ever I went I saw the same look in everybody's eyes. And I realized there was something worse that not having dreams- its called broken dreams.

Definition

Bad idea: Shopping in T-nagar on a Sunday

Au revoir

Bidding farewell is always such a difficult thing. Yet another friend is moving to the other end of the world. Dinner at the best restaurant in town was not as half as good as the two hours spent laughing about the unbelievably crazy things we did as house mates.

We spoke about the three years in college – the weird fashion sense days, the petrified of seniors days and the waiting to get out of college days. We spoke about the last few years as house mates- the first jobs, the heart breaks, the cooking disasters and the wishing we were back in college days. The days and months that made us realize living with friends was not as simple as it looked on popular sitcoms. It was even better and worse.

Two hours is never enough to look back at the best years of your life.
Au revoir.

Broken

A broken relationship
Like my mom’s crystal bowl I smashed as a child. My mom says her dinner set is not the same anymore.

Broken trust.
Like the hand painted terracotta piggy bank my grandfather brought me from Burma. If it had to be used, it had to be broken.

Broken hope
Like my torn paper boat that never made it to the end of the drain

A broken dream
Like today.